I’ve had a lot of people telling me how brave I am for sharing my story. I don’t see it as bravery, more a source of understanding. Not just yours, but mine.
I have learnt how to cope with the curve balls life seems to keep throwing my way. Yes I have been through a bit, who hasn’t? I’m not trying to say my life has been any more difficult than someone else’s. There are people out there who have very little control over what happens to them. Whether it be by nature or nurture. I am here to say a lot of my ‘misfortune’ was at my own hand.
Bad choices and misguided decisions. I’m sure my mothers catch cry has always been “if you would just listen” !!!
I am all for giving your children enough rope to fly, just not enough to choke themselves. I know better than to hang on so tight that they fight to defy you just because they can. I openly admit to putting my parents through hell out of stubbornness and blind sighted arrogance. For that, I am forever sorry. What is done is done, I can’t go back and right the wrongs, I can only move forward with good intent.
Admitting my weaknesses and therefore my reasoning about choices I have made……I’ve grown. Grown in self awareness, self belief and grown up. Not in an age or maturity kind of way, but on a level of acceptance and an ability to keep moving on.
It took me to hit rock bottom for that to happen. A re evaluation if you like. Of what I want for myself, my family and my friends, but most of all what I will no longer tolerate in my life. I will not tolerate being made to feel less than, being willing to be used and walked all over. I allowed this for many years. I said yes to everyone……can’t let people down. All the while I was letting myself down, slowly, regularly to please everyone else.
I believe that you need to treat people as you wish to be treated. So many people out there say they agree but still work to their own agenda. Be kind, be strong and do what is right for you.
If being honest with oneself and accepting responsibility is brave, then yes, I’m brave, but I just think I’m human. Full of light and shade, good and bad……
This is me, flaws and all. How I have gone about change is not for anyone else. We all have our own journeys to travel, travel them with an open heart and a clear mind. Don’t just blindly believe everything you’re told, not everyone has your best interests at heart. If you take the time to watch and listen, the people that want the best for you will show themselves. They will only want to help guide you on your journey……let them.