depression, Fibromyalgia/CFS, Life

Empty…..

My week with my son has come to an end. I waved him off on the plane this morning. He was excited about this flying alone business again, thankfully. He was also looking forward to seeing his dog 😊 Just your typical 7 year old boy. He thanked me many times for his week…….sweet, but there’s no need. After all, I am his mum.

We had quiet times together as well as some day trips but as usual I’m exhausted. When my CFS affects just me, I can live with it. But it also affects those around me. I know he feels it when mummy isn’t up to par. He sits and pats my arm and asks if I’m ok……again sweet, but he shouldn’t have to deal with that.

Anyone that suffers from CFS, fibromyalgia or any other chronic illness is acutely aware that the better you feel, the more you do, the more you suffer. As I said, we didn’t do that much but just the change in energy around me has left me feeling empty and exhausted. It’s almost like your body needs a holiday to get over your holiday.

I will spend the next 2 days doing as little as possible to prepare for my return to work on Tuesday…… But the key is not to think ahead too far or worry about being ready for Tuesday……those thoughts cause stress, stress causes Β nervous energy which in turn can cause the fibromyalgia and CFS to flare. It can be a vicious circle that I wouldn’t wish on anyone.

Again this is in NO way a grab for sympathy. Don’t feel sorry for me, I don’t. It is what it is and you just get on with it. It’s just to show you how once these illness’ get you, even seemingly simple day to day events can set off a chain reaction within the body that takes its own sweet time to return to some kind of normal.

Would I trade time with my son to feel better?

Absolutely not……but I know this feeling will linger long after his memories of this past week fade. I love him ‘as big as the world’ and nothing will ever change that.

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πŸŒ™β­οΈπŸ’›πŸ’™

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