Wow, what did I know?
Not much it turned out.
ADHD, for those that don’t know can be the cruelest disorder, for both the sufferer and those around them.
It is constantly second guessing everything you do and say with the child.
The H stands for hyperactivity……and my boy had that in spades. And so began the constant Drs appointments, research and explanations.
I was extremely lucky to have Drs from the beginning who knew how to deal with it. The research, well I didn’t have a computer back in 1994 but I had more books on the subject than I cared to count. Yes they all said basically the same thing……but you keep buying in case one has a different line of therapy or something different that will work for you.
I was told by a very trusted specialist that no matter what I did or how I did it……this was a built in mind path that was already plotted……..I was told this when my son was 4, still as his mum……you think you can fix it.
Through all this he still had a big sister. She started to spend more and more time with my parents……self survival. You see her brother drained me, physically, mentally and emotionally …….I had nothing left to give her. It wasn’t ideal and it certainly wasn’t easy……but it was stable for her and that was important.
At the age of 7 my boy was out of control…….it was frightening. This led to an additional diagnosis of Rapid Cycling Juvenile Bi Polar. Yep that was scary, but just another hurdle for us to deal with. It was around this time he first mentioned suicide…… How do you feel so lost at 7 that you even think about that ?
Remember……he had an older sister who by now was frightened of him, I was working and still a single parent. School life for him was a nightmare. Teachers weren’t taught back then how to deal with these sort of issues…….so for the most part, he was just put in the too hard basket.
When you have these sort of issues, you know you are different and all you want to be is accepted and understood. So you will do anything to fit in…….this makes these children very vulnerable ……they are easily identified and used as scapegoats by other children…….this is so very hard to watch as a parent, but largely out of your control.
His sister was a quiet achiever……doing ok at school, a happy child despite what was happening at home. She was becoming a beautiful ballet dancer. Having come from a dancing background, it was so very special for me to see her doing this so beautifully. She inspired her little brother to dance, he would have been good too if it wasn’t for all the grief he copped at school, he didn’t need another reason to be bullied, so he stopped. That’s when he found his voice…….and what a voice…….pitch perfect and far above his age in talent.
Finally something positive for all of us. Maybe this would be a turning point ?
I’ve learnt over the years…….never get your hopes up!!!!!!!!